Pressure

I've been feeling lots of pressure to make sure that Joshua and I are having sentimental moments or meaningful family moments. I want to be sure that we are having special time before Silas arrives, not that we wouldn't have meaningful family moments after he is born.

Thud Moment...

You've never seen a pregnant woman move the way I moved last night, or this afternoon.

I've had two "thud moments" where my heart has dropped into the heels of my feet and my stomach turned inside out today.

I am an extremely light sleeper, and this morning, around 2, I heard the thud before I heard the cries for help. I knew what the thud was immediately, and was on my feet instantly. I ran to Joshua's room where he was lying spread eagle on the floor tears in his eyes. He had fallen out of bed. My heart hurt and my eyes filled.

If that had not been enough for one day, I was chatting with Pastor during pick-up time today, and heard the 'beep-beep' of the school doors. It took me a moment to realize that Joshua was not next to me. Yelling down the hall, "Joshua!" I see him run past the window... he was outside. He was not the one who had opened the door, but went out with another family. The panic that fills your body, not knowing where your child is, and then seeing them outside is horrifying. The gate was closed. He was in the parking lot, but how quickly he could have been gone, or someone could have taken him makes me sick. I had tears, and a pity party in my second "thud moment."

Beware the hormones...

I like to think of myself as a fairly level headed person, however the mood swings are in full effect and I apologize to those who are caught in the path.

Crabby, motivated, exhausted, teary, sentimental... The list goes on... consider yourself warned...

Oh, I'm sure it will only get better after Silas comes out. Ha!

Contractions, Contractions Everywhere...

and no baby yet.

I've been having contractions for days. They are getting stronger, but not at consistent intervals. It seems that they are worse in the evening and night then when we make it to the morning, they almost disappear. I've reached "I'm uncomfortable. It's time to come out!"

Jelly Toast

I have written about your independence recently, but again it strikes me. 

This week you have started making your own toast, pulling up the stool, taking the bread out, putting each piece into the slots, and pushing down the lever. 

You remind me as I remind you, "Look with our eyes, no hands. It gets 'hottsy-tottsy.'"You get the peanut butter and jelly out of the fridge and sing the "peanut butter jelly" song while you watch me spread them on your toast. A favorite breakfast. 

Showered with blessings...

"We were just talking about... nothing."

"Make sure you send a text on the way back from the Dr."

"I have my own centers I want to do that you don't need to worry about."

"Let's just plan on free-centers for Friday."

These are just snippets of the 'secrets' kept by my assistants, and my students during the week this week. All for a surprise shower that they were planning. 

They celebrated Silas by each writing a page saying what his name should be, how much he would weigh, and how long he would be as well as making a picture of what he would look like.

Here are some highlights: 

John 10 lbs 3oz, 1inches

Coster 10 lbs. 24 inches

Coddy 6 lbs. 8 inches

Baby Jesus 100 lbs. 3inches

Snod 4 lbs. 1 inch

Clovences 5 lbs. 7 inches

Jimmy 12 lbs. 10 inches

Prince King 1 lb 2 inches

Each of the students had a chance to guess how big my belly had gotten with toilet paper squares. It was funny to me that those who are the most "handsy" were pretty close. There were also those students who wrapped their paper around me 3 or 7 times.

Many of the students brought gifts and they sat rather quietly to watch as I opened them. 

Overwhelmed with gifts...

For their patience during gift opening... we had cake!

Probably one of the best parts for me however was the gift they gave as a class...

Oh the handprints my students have left on me...

It did not come as a surprise to me that my assistant, but more importantly my dear friend, would pull off something so special. I am so blessed. 

New Hoops!

Christ the King had basketball hoops installed! 

The easy height adjustments made it fun for Pastor Phil to show off with dunks while the kids watched with envy from the playground. I promised you that after the kids left we would go try it out. 

Being pregnant, and not much of an athlete to begin with,  Ms. Michelle took you out instead.

She taught you about dribbling, and shooting, and holding the basketball and making "2 POINTS!"

Ms. Michelle leaves next week to go back to Wisconsin after her year being here with us. She is headed there to get married and start her own adventures. I know that you will miss each other. 

Cardboard

We had a strip of cardboard packaging. I'm not sure where it came from, but it was fun to watch all the different things Joshua imagined the cardboard to be. While I packed lunches, it was almost like an sketch from "Who's Line is it Anyways?" In a matter of moments it was, a surf board, a dress, a bridge, an elephant nose, and a snake chasing after him. I love his creativity.

2 cm

We visited the doctor today; he said I was dilated to 2 cm. He said "it could be as early as tonight or it could be three weeks still." A flurry if emotions caught me again. Am I ready? Emotionally? Physically? Mentally? I'm measuring "smaller than average" which did catch me a little off guard. I do feel I'm smaller than I was with Joshua but not significantly.

I can tell we're getting closer. The baby has dropped down, I've been having contractions since Thursday (when we went to the hospital with a false alarm) and I've started to loose my plug. We've entered the final countdown. There are only 4 days left of school, and my class has their graduation on the 31st.

I've tried to convince myself and Michael that we have instilled in our sons a sense of responsibility (even in utero) . Joshua waited until after my weekend shifts to put me into labor and hopefully Silas will do the same waiting until after graduation to make his appearance.

Only time will tell...

"All Pirates Cry, and so do I"

Oh Joshua,

Bedtime reading material tonight started with Aliens Love Underpants, followed by Tough Boris.


The "rule" that we've created with reading books is that daddy and I will read the book twice, but after that you need to choose a new book, or read it to us.

Tonight you were told two books. So, after I had read Tough Boris twice you chose to read it to me. You started over half way through and went to the end. You "read" all the right words which you had memorized like so many of the books that we read. It could have been the pride because of your love of books, or perhaps because it it such a profound story, it brought tears to my eyes.

Saturday in pictures

Dear Joshua,

I love being your mom.

GoodNight

As I put Joshua to bed tonight, we read Green Eggs and Ham and had some family cuddles. I couldn't help but wonder if this would be one of the last nights he would be the only son I was putting to bed. It's four in the morning and contractions have me awake and in and out of the bathroom. That brings a mix of emotions. I'm nervous and at the same time so excited.

Ms. Stacey, are you sure...

Today it was rainy. My afternoon students left school yesterday in a rain storm and came today during another. Right away the questions began about outside time.


Were we going out?
Were we playing with balls in the narthex?
Were we going to use the parachute? What would happen for outside time?


Because of Family Night at CTK and the preparation for the musical, outside time needed to happen in our classroom. Some teachers may have opted for a movie, but at four and five years old, in the middle if the afternoon, my kids needed to do some moving!


I have a CD that I love that contains fun action-filled songs preschoolers love: 5 little monkeys, toody-ta, bean bag dance, freeze dance and other follow-the-action songs. I knew we could use the music and be active, even on carpet, for 30 minutes.


We were moving and grooving following the actions when one of my students stops everything,

"Ms. Stacey, are you sure you're supposed to be moving like that with a baby in your belly?!?"



It was so sweet! What could I do but assure this little boy that it was ok to dance, be silly, and have fun, even with a baby in my belly.

Panic

5 weeks. 

I cannot decide if 5 weeks seems like the blink of an eye, or an eternity. 

I have been reading again that at this point in pregnancy it is normal to have mood swings that include panic. 

A mom brought her brand new baby into the classroom the other day and an overwhelming feeling of panic take over. The teeny-tiny clothes, the demands of a new born, the curiosity of other children. I was terrified.

I feel so unprepared. I am not sure if that unpreparedness is phycological or an actuality.  I've created a list of items to accomplish before Silas makes his appearance. He will come in his own time, and that time will be the perfect time. I cannot help but feel that he will come early, but putting it in the Lord's hands. 

Mother's Day Moments...

Ready for church

Sharing Miso Soup

my boys

Interview with Joshua

Joshua at his finest. 

After listening/watching the video I realized I was mistaken when I asked if he was going to play with shells with Silas, what he said was that he was going to share with him. So Sweet! 

Pirate Eyes

Your love of pirates makes me smile. 

Aunt Jamie wrote the other day about going to the park. She and Tylor were playing and imagining that the playground was a mountain and that there were alligators on the ground. Another boy started playing with them and he stopped suddenly and said, 

"That's my mom over there. She's always looking at her phone. She's always doing that. He's lucky to have you to play with him. Hey, thanks for letting me play with you."

Her story spoke to my heart. I wanted to be sure to spend some quality time with you this weekend. I had lots of cleaning/laundry to do to catch up from last weekend with grandma here and a crazy week, but I didn't want to miss out on time with you. 

We put on our pirate garb (hat, bandana, necklaces, vests) and grabbed our spatulas and had a great "sword fight." 

I hope you always feel loved and lucky to have what we have, because I know I do. 

Peek

Michael and I were curious about what would happen if Joshua woke up before we did. 

Would he get out of bed? 

Would he stay there and yell for us? 

We were wrong about both. 

Joshua stayed in the bed, pushed the door open a little further and peered out waiting for on of us to come and get him. 

Cutest face ever!

Home Run

 Another teacher came into my classroom telling me that Joshua was outside playing baseball. I knew that he would be so excited and I was anxious to see it. I scared my assistant when I grabbed my phone, said I'd be back and ran out of the classroom. It was great to see him thrilled to be playing baseball. He did hit it, and when he sees the picture now he tells me he hit a home run.

Mother's Day Tea

Today was the first Toddler's Mother's Day Tea.

It was nice to sneak out of the classroom for a few minutes to enjoy some moments with my little man. 

Big Boy Bed?

Michael and I have been toying with the idea of getting Joshua a big boy bed. We have debated the pros and cons of a toddler bed, converting his crib, and getting a twin bed. We have discussed not wanting Joshua to feel pushed out or that he can't have his things because of the baby.

Tonight I was revisiting the thoughts of a new bed and was searching the internet for pirate bedding for my pirate lover. 

He asked what I was looking at so I showed him.

"Ooooo, pirate bed, So Cool!"

"Yeah, but it's for a big boy bed. Would you like to get a big boy bed?"

"Yeah, a pirate bed!"

"We could see about getting some pirate bedding. When you sleep in a big boy bed, who will sleep in your bed?"

"Baby Silas!"

It was jammie time, then true to Love and Logic, I let the choices flow.

"Do you want to brush teeth first or read?"

"Teeth."

"Would you like to squeeze the toothpaste or Momma?"

"Joshua... (after a failed attempt) Let's teamwork."

"Would you like to read on the couch or in bed?"

"In bed."

"In Mommy and Daddy's bed or in the extra bed. (futon in the spare bedroom)"

"Extra bed."

"What book would you like to read? (knowing the answer would be Peter Pan, like it has been for the last week or two)"

"Peter Pan."

When our book was done, I told him it was time for prayers and sleep. 

He looked at me and said, "I sleep here."

Hesitant, I said ok. I asked if he wanted any soft friends to sleep with him. He chose Diego, Mickey, and Fox in Socks. I asked him if he was sure he didn't want to sleep in his bed. 

He told me again that he wanted to sleep in the extra bed. 

We said prayers, and I walked out. 

I was nervous about leaving him there, 

but when I came back to check minutes later, this is what I found...

Spoiled...

During my mom's visit, I was spoiled. (To say the least.) I probably should have said something or been mature enough to graciously stop her, but: truth be told, I wasn't. I was spoiled and I liked it. 

(I certainly hope my mom didn't feel like I took advantage.) 

Since we are not moving, my mom encouraged me to make our apartment a home with things like pictures on the walls. We went to Michael's and picked up some frames for pictures that have only been enjoyed by those on my blog or facebook. 

After Michael's we went and got pedicures. Pretty toes and massage chairs during these closing weeks of pregnancy was delightful!

And now.... a story left untold:

After pedicures we were right next to Basin Robins, it would have been foolish to leave without stopping. We stopped and it just so happened that the special of the day was a banana split. 

Guess who is a sucker for a banana split?!? This pregnant lady!!!

I didn't eat it alone. (I hope that's evident by the two spoons.) It was delicious!

That would be a cute enough story, "oh, some great times with mom." However, when we got home to Michael and Joshua the sounds and smells of cooking met our ears and noses. 

Michael was making dinner.

The poor man was unaware of our pit-stop and was being ever so loving making dinner. 

We politely ate, spread some around our plates, and tried not to make eye contact, but our snickers and smirks could be felt without it.

A weekend was really too short a visit. Monday morning came too fast. I haven't had a hard time leaving Wisconsin, but I certainly struggled with my mom leaving here. By the time I got to school, the tears had dried for the most part, and I had it together, keeping myself busy with the responsibilities of Monday. 

We explained to Joshua that Grandma was leaving on Monday going back to Wisconsin to see Samuel, but that she would be back soon to visit. That was an okay answer for Monday, but this morning, the first words spoken to me Tuesday were, "I wanna see my Grandma." 

"She went back to Wisconsin, remember?" 

"No Wisconsin! Where's my Grandma?"

 Part of my heart broke. It was great to have her here for me, and for my son. 

Bathing Beauties

I've said it before, but when company comes it always seems that we are at the beach or pool more. That was also the case while my mom here over the weekend. 

When we got to the beach, Joshua again started whining/complaining about not wanting to go because of the waves. He said he was scared of the waves, and didn't want them to get his toes. 

We distracted him with building some amazing sand structures.

There were lots of seashells on the beach. I tried to bring him closer to the water by trying to have him find his own seashells. He didn't fall for it. Grandma, however, picked him up and carried him down so that they could be "heros" and "rescue" the seashells from the waves. 

Beware the beached whale!! Just kidding, but I am pretty big. The water was so warm for it only being the beginning of May. If it would have been a little earlier in the day I would have gone it a little deeper. It was probably better that I only went in thigh-high. I don't have great balance even when I'm not pregnant. 

We made sand castles and had fun silly moments together. 

Joshua carried his prized shells up to the car hand-in-hand with grandma. 

Not only did we spend time at the beach, but also at the pool. Joshua would choose the pool any day over the beach. 

He walked right in and began splashing. 

Joshua likes to jump in. Once the jumping starts he gets perma-smile, and wants to be sure that everyone is impressed by his jumping. "Grandma, you see my many jump?!?!"

Not only is he working on jumping, but also the swimming. Getting his face into the water, using his arms and legs and gaining confidence in the water.

A "Zoo-per" Day

Saturday we went to the Jacksonville Zoo.

My mom was visiting from Wisconsin. She has a zoo-pass that she has used at a variety of zoos. She also used it here. When we got there, Joshua checked out the map by himself.

 There were silhouettes of animals on the map and Joshua pointed to each of them saying he wanted to be sure to see all of the animals. 

He then shared his plans with grandma. 

There were several highlights to our trip:

 One of the elephants was sucking water into his trunk, he sprayed it into a hole mixing it making mud. He then splashed the mud up under his belly and up onto his back.

Joshua loved every minute of it!

 I have never been so close to giraffes. They made me a little nervous. 

I was nervous, but they are my mom's favorite animal. She took Joshua to feed them. It was terrific to watch them share this special moment. 

We touched the stingrays. Joshua wasn't sure about them. 

The train was one of Joshua's favorite parts! He was excited to get on and the fact that you could see the animals while riding was great!

Last but not least: 

I thought I was clever standing in front of the storks with my belly. 

What a fun day!