Mr. Independence

One of the things I love about being at school with Joshua is that he and I see each other throughout the day. Our outside time overlaps a few minutes everyday. I get a squeeze and/or a hug and some smooches. Today it was time for Joshua's class to line up, and he ran to get in line. I ran after him and said, "Wait, I need smooches before you go." He responded, "No, Momma. Please stop. (hand on my shoulder)" He ran and got in line. When all his friends were there and they started to go in, he turned back and waved, "Bye, Momma!" 

My heart may have broken a little today. As much as I want him to be independent and function at school without me, I wasn't ready for him to stop the smooches. 

Siblings

During our snuggles last night, Joshua was also loving up my belly. He was giving the baby kisses and hugs when he informed me that the baby was "so hungry." I asked him what the baby eats, and he told me "Watermelon." Then the baby was "so thirsty." He was holding his cup and put his straw into my belly button. He told me about sharing with the baby and watching shows with the baby. Seeing Joshua embracing being a big brother makes my heart melt.  

Single Parenthood

The second half of January Michael has been doing work related travel so Joshua and I have been left to fend for ourself... hence not so many fun stories, but here are some highlights:

Self portrait. I love!

I had a Bible Songs Cassette playing in a boom box in Joshua's room. Yeah, I'm old school. When I asked him what he was doing he said singing with the friends. 

We received a box in the mail that did not collapse easily, so we made it into a special place for Joshua. We colored in the box, put stickers in it, he put a pillow in the bottom, and he thinks it's a pretty cool space. 

With Daddy away, and Momma's pregnant belly,  we got doughnuts as a special treat after church on Sunday. They were yummy!

As you can see, Joshua's tool bench has a clock. He has been talking up a storm, but some of the words are not as clear as we might want them to be. cLock is one such word. As well as dumP TRuck... this list goes on...

• I took Joshua to his classroom and when a classmate tried to take what he was using he said, "No, Lets Teamwork." 
• On Sunday we had a guest musician playing the violin while the choir sang. Singing in choir always makes me nervous about a certain young man's behavior. He usually does well, he's had lots of practice. For the second choir song, Joshua stood up with us. I was nervous about what kind of mischief he might get into, but I did not give him as much credit as he deserved. He had his cup in his mouth and had a pen in the other hand, he was using the pen as his bow against his cup violin. 
• While holding a paper spider: 
• Momma, spider sad.
• Why?
• Uh, he's hungry. 
• What do spiders eat?
• Drink more milk. (He pretended to give the spider some milk.) Oh, so happy now!!
• In Walmart checkout line 4. "Look Momma, number 4!" The sales lady and I were both impressed. 
• Joshua woke up at 11:45p whimpering so I went in to "rescue" him. I asked him if he wanted to come slug (snuggle) for a while. "yeah, 2 minutes." He climbed into my bed and laid... until... he was flopping... and tossing... then playing with my hair... touching my face... giving me kisses (we have taught Joshua to wake people up by giving kisses, chivalry is not dead) I warned that he could only stay in my bed with his head down. He flopped his silly smiled face into the pillow. He laid there for minute or two. "Momma, sing songs?... Wheels on the bus? ... Isty Spider?" 
• Last night, during our bed time reading, Joshua chose two Diego books. (Not Momma's favorites) I told him we had time for one more. I asked him which one he would like to choose. He stood there undecided for a while when I decided to offer a suggestion. "How about Good Night Moon?" He reached up and picked it out by the spine of the book. It made be proud. We've read the book tons of times. I know it by heart, but there was something about him being excited about it and picking it out by memory that made me smile. 

We pick Michael up tonight, he'll be home until Sunday... we pick him up Wednesday... then Friday we go to the doctor to check on our bun. Looking forward to the end of January. :)

Feeling Guilty

As my tummy expansion really gets going I can't help but feeling the tiniest bit of guilt sometimes.



Today was one such time.

Yesterday, a woman excitedly told me she was about 7 weeks along. She and her husband had been trying for a while. She was thrilled, I asked her how she was feeling. She mentioned that she was spotting, but not worried because she spotted with her previous child and she was going for her first ultrasound tomorrow.

Today she lost her baby.



I have friends who have had difficulty conceiving, those who lost their pregnancies, and those who wish and wish for a baby and do not receive such a blessing.

I have felt the achey womb or longing eyes looking at a pregnant woman rubbing her belly and the bright eyes of excitement as she feels the baby move.

My belly is swelling, ready to be rubbed. I've felt the flutters and wiggles.

And part of me feels guilty, the need to hide my belly from those who might have an achey heart or feel the tearing open eternal scars.

What's in a Name?

Prior to today my blog was "The Schotteys" after reading some old posts it just didn't seem fitting. I wasn't sure what to rename my musings... I like the idea of writing things about me, and my son, and my family, but it wasn't all family. And so I've renamed, for now anyway. A play on our name and comments on my writing abililty.   :)

Passing Gas

Joshua's nap was long and peaceful today. 

He was so sweet and full of snuggles. I wanted to squeeze him down back to my little baby boy. 

Then we had a fun big boy moment. 

I went to change his diaper, and put him on the potty. He sat there for a while with groggy smiles and silly grins. 

He "passed gas" as we've decided to call it. 

He looked up at me, "What that?!?" 

I giggled. "I heard that." 

What made me laugh though, was him standing up and trying to dump the gas into the potty like he does after he pees. 

I Forgot...

It's been a while since I've gone all day without showering and stayed in jammies, but today Joshua and I did with this as my motto:

"Cleaning and scrubbing 

can't wait 'til tomorrow 

for babies grow up we've learned to our sorrow. 

So quiet down cobwebs,

dust go to sleep. 

I'm rocking my baby

and babies don't keep."

~~~~~~~~~
During Joshua nap, today I got a chance to scrapbook.

I searched through my boxes of paper, stamps, decals, sequins, and pictures. (While Joshua napped)

I only made one page. It took me about an hour.

But, Ahh. It felt good to use that side of my brain for a while.

Some of the pictures that I had out were from when Joshua was born. He saw our first family picture. He pointed to "Daddy", "Mommy", and "Joshua, Me!" It was sweet!

Napless Sunday

Michael is gone for a few days on business. That leaves just me and the boy. After church, Michael said his goodbyes and he put Joshua in bed. 

When Michael left I still heard chatting so I peeked in. My nostrils informed me that Joshua needed attention. I went in and changed his diaper and told him it was still rest time. Roughly 1/2 hour later the chatter continued, despite removing items from his bed. I suggested that he come "slug" with me for a while. I carried him into my bed and laid down with him. I closed my eyes... he stuck fingers in my eyes to keep opening them, or he would give me kisses. 

(We have taught Joshua that the best way to wake someone up if they are sleeping is to give them kisses.)

He didn't sleep. Neither did I.

Over the course of the night, he went through crabby, defiant, screaming, crying, then over-tired silliness. Later that night after I put him in jammies and told him after I brushed my teeth we would "slug" and I'd put him in bed. When I came out of the bathroom. I found him fast asleep.

Tubby Time

Rub-a-dub-dubby

Little man in the tubby!

 

He wasn't thrilled about me bringing the camera in the bathroom. Joshua got bath paints for Christmas. It has been fun to watch his creativity while in the tub. He painted the walls, himself, the water... I'm not sure which of us enjoys bath time more. 

My favorite nights are nights when Joshua takes a bath. I sit right in the doorway so that he can play independently while being supervised. I like to keep my distance and watch him play.  

Watching him in the tub while he's playing, is like watching him sleep. My heart swells. I love his concentration, and curiosity. When Joshua catches me "spying" on him while he's playing he gives me a sneaky smile perhaps a little embarrassed, but I hope not!

A nice warm bath can cure just about anything...



including mom's sour mood.

Shortcomings as a Parent of Two

Confessions of a pregnant mommy:

I don't think it has really sunk in with me yet that I am having another baby.

I have some fears...

• Joshua is a momma's boy. I love that. I am nervous about having another child. I don't yet understand how my heart could love another the way that I love him. That terrifies me!
• I feel like I haven't had the same joy or excitement about having this baby because I've had one before. With Joshua everything was brand-new and exciting. 
• I'm so busy now. In my previous pregnancy, I finished college by the time my second trimester began. I was working at the nursing home, which carried its own stresses, but I didn't work the hours I do now, or have a child at the time. I've been wrapped up in things with school and Joshua that this baby has missed out somehow I feel. 
• I haven't taken my vitamins like I should. I feel like already I have failed my baby and he/she hasn't even been born. 

forgive me. 

Going Bananas!

Joshua has been eating lots of bananas lately. 

He has been eating them like corn on the cob. 

It makes me smile. 

That and he's sporting his Thomas the Train undies, at least for a while on the weekends. 

Movement

Dec. 31 flying home from visiting my family... I felt my baby moving for the first time.

I'm fairly sure the baby had the hiccups on today!

We find out the baby's gender Feb. 3!

Negative Nancy

Not all blogging is "rainbows and butterflies" or so I've been told.

I'm crabby. One of those crabby moods that you just can't shake.

I rang in the new year with the flu and it has thrown off my mood. We just got back from our travels to Wisconsin and I didn't get a chance to settle in yet. The car is still packed, laundry is undone, school is right around the corner, and I feel so unorganized and rather than doing something about it, I'm complaining... awesome!

Perhaps it is hormones, but everyone's bright cheery faces with hopefulness brought on by the new year is irritating. I didn't get a chance to reflect on my past year or look forward to the next because I was trying to keep my insides from spilling out.

On top of that it was a rough parenting day. Jealousy is so easy to fall into as a parent. You want the best for your kid, yet it is oh so tempting to do the comparison game. What is that kid doing? When did they start? Why isn't my kid doing this? When is my kid going to do that? I don't want my son to feel pressured into things he is not ready for or unnecessary disappointment brought on by his crazy mother. Every child grows and develops differently, not right or wrong, or black and white. It is easy to read, it is easy to say, but for some reason, today it was NOT easy to understand.

Sometimes just getting the nasty thoughts our is helpful. (At this point, I'm not sure I'll post this, but it was nice to get it out.)